I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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