Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
