thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
