i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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