I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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