I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
