Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
