he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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