i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
