Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
