omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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