To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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