Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
