Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
