I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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