I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
