the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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