why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
