I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
that may or may not have been my penis.
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