Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
