I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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