I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize