my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
