Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
