Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
