I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
