You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
