They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
