Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
