and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
