he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my sisters under your porch take her home
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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