the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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