Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
