well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
