Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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