Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize