The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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