my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
