I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
