so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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