Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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