Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
