This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize