Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
