hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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