I'm really into asian looking animals
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
