He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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