Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize