Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
