why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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