My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
