dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
