got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
