Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
