i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I AM VODKA MAN
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
