I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
