So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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