You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
