I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
