I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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