i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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