im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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