I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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