true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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