tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize