Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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