I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
