When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
