I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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