You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
