I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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