he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
