I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
did you just send me my own nude
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
