He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
