Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
