He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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