her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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