she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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