I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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