I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
