Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
