My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize