I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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