Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
