I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
