I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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