The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i barfeds in our rink
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize