So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
