And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
