She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
