that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
