like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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