Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nutella sex= disaster
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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