I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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