chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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