I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
