On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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