I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
