Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
