So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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