I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need moral support for this bender
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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