I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
