I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
