wanna go halves on a baby?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found puke in my bra..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
