I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize