dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
