just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
