Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
