I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
