i don't like sucking hair
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
