Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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