i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
