RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
