between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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