I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
